she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
