Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize