Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
