I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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