Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
