i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
