don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
