should my penis look like a turkey
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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