I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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