it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
