So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
