I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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