He disabled his match.com account in front of me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
