you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
