dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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