dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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