Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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