Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I fill condoms, not promises.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
