I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
