I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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