i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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