I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
