He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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