put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
