there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she pinky promised me she was 18
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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