I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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