the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize