i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
