so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
