her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
