No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My cat gives me a boner
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You are a genius and a whore.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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