I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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