So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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