I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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