Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
