FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
