Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
