Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
