Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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