I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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