I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
