her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
