i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
When are your genitals available?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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