some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
