I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
