i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
