some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
