Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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