even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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