oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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