Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
