I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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