Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
