Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
