I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
