I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
