We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
