I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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