At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
