The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
