the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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