Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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