i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she pinky promised me she was 18
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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