guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
