Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
