She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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