I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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