At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
