not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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