u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm gonna fight the coyote
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
