It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
