margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
