So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So apparently I’m into choking now
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
