Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
