my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
