He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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