New invention idea: vibrating tampons
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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