Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
