Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
