absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
