Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
