You can't special order awesome
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
