Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I need to sanitize my soul.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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