last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
