It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
