My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
soo... how was my night?
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