Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
