You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
