Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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