I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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