Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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