Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
