I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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