The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
