she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
try to milk me bitch
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
