they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
