hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
