I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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