im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
